I grew up in the dusty city of El Paso, Texas, and a part of my soul still longs for the open skies and high deserts of the southwestern US. Such stark beauty. I love the magic of an instant dessert bloom after a thunderstorm. I love the landscape of the sky, even if the earth herself is more barren.
The Inner & Outer Landscape
Strong people root themselves in these places of temperature extremes and wild wind. I am mesmerized by the American, Mexican and Native American confluence of cultures. These form the bedrock of my childhood memories, the landscape against which family drama played itself out. I sometimes have haunting dreams of the unblemished, wide open grasslands of northern New Mexico. Dreams so poignant, I wake crying without knowing why.
We all bring our past, our culture, the dust of our ancestors into our present, even if we do it unconsciously. We are a collection of our memories, our dreams, and all the parts of ourselves - integrated and unintegrated - that rise up in response to outer stimuli.
The Integration of Extremes
Mine has been a legacy of contradiction: strong, faith-filled, martyred women; rebellious, easy-going, stubborn men. Maybe that’s why my path has included an integration of extremes. The smart kid, the creative kid, the out-of-control teen. The rising star, the workaholic, the one who walks away from it all. The healer, the deep diver into other people’s traumas, the spiritual refugee. The independent leader, the people-pleaser, the phoenix.
My journey has been one of re-membering, allowing, integrating and growing up all the different parts of myself into a cohesive whole. Because allowing the rebellious part, while denying the part who longs to belong, only creates suffering; ignoring the angry part cuts me off from my own power; and running from the grief-stricken parts only brings more disconnection. My sense of wholeness is grounded in a compassionate love for all parts of me, to the best of my ability in the moment.
Stepping Out of Shadow and Into Our Power
I believe this is our life’s work. Because only when we accept and own our own shadow parts will we stop projecting them onto others. We have to acknowledge our blame and victim thinking, martyrdom and all our conditioned fear. That's how we drain it of it's power and stop letting it yank us around with old reactions. Only then can we override the old brain that only thinks it's helping us survive. We are capable and worthy of so very much more than mere survival.
Finding & Growing What's True
It starts with trusting our most authentic self - not the conditioned self we became as a result of our environment. Our authentic self knows who we really are and what we need for our soul's highest joy. We can then move authentically, mindfully and deliberately towards our goals, towards our dreams. We can always learn new skills, as we tap into the grit of perseverance, tempered by knowing when it's time to just let go. We can overcome the barriers of old tapes like "not good enough," or "unworthy," and grow up the younger parts that hold these stories. We can create our destinies as we align with the Grace the infuses our every movement, like the winds that carry the birds across a wide, open, azure sky.
This is a journey worth taking. A journey towards wholeness.
You've got this...